Night before my first 5K

Well it is Friday, the night before my first 5K race. I have never been an athlete, but have enjoyed snow skiing and especially swimming. I guess I never had the confidence to play any type of sports. I think I would have liked softball. I am so grateful for those people who have encouraged me. I am talking about true concrete encouragement. I have had people walk with me and call me and email me and Facebook me. People have said some of the kindest and wonderful things. After the race I will try to make a comprehensive list of those encouragers and try not leave anyone out. One of my encouragers said the sweetest thing to me yesterday. She said that my friend's face has such a softness when she talks about me and that my friendship means a lot to her. Wow. That is probably one of the best compliments I have ever received. I am going to rest up. Good night.

Progress...

  This pic was taken with my wonderful Mommy on May 7th 2011

  This pic was taken with my new inspirational friend Stephanie on October 24th 2011 which happened to be my Mom's birthday. I see some progress being made. I feel better for sure.

What a wonderful day

http://www.pickensprogressonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1418:saturdays-5-star-5k-welcomes-first-time-walkersrunners-&catid=37:editorials
The weather is still so beautiful. My first 5K is coming up this Saturday. I am a little nervous, but looking forward to crossing that finish line. I want to be able to really savor the feeling. I hope I can accurately describe it. Angela Reinhardt did a terrific job on the article for the paper. I feel a little like a celebrity having my picture and story on the front cover of the newspaper. It was an odd feeling and I think I got a little taste of notoriety. I just hope that this article helps someone like Stephanie helped me. She was absolutely confident without wavering that I could do a 5K. Yes I will walk it, but I will finish it. I loved how Angela painted a picture with her words. She really captured our personalities, goals and gave great exposure to the 5K. I had no idea that it would be the cover story. I think she enjoyed surprising us with that. I look forward to doing a follow up article down the road. I have known for years that God would use my story, my struggles and my issues for HIS good and to help and lift up others.

I'm going to take care of myself

Look into the mirror  and say to yourself
I am going to take care of you today.
I'm going to love you today

Today was a very good day

The weather has been gorgeous. I walked again tonight with 2 friends. Boy talking makes the time go by so fast! I walked the larger lap with the inclines twice tonight as well as about 6 or 7 small laps. I kind of lost track. I am so proud and happy that I have people to walk with. I am enjoying getting out and being more social AND getting healthy at the same time. My food has been great today. I have just had one meal and a snack, but just have not been hungry. I have been so busy. Yes it is my vacation but I can find so much to keep myself busy and still not get everything done. I think tomorrow is going to be busy too. I have to go to the dreaded Dentist yuk. I am thankful to the Lord that I have insurance and the money to go.
I felt so good after walking tonight. It was the perfect temperature. I still had a little glow even after I got home. My skin is clearing up too. Whooo hooooo.

The Mask Author Unknown WORTH THE READ

I think this is a great inspirational poem. I have read it several times over the years, and each time I make a mental note of where I am at in the poem. I know I have a lot more weight to lose however I took a mental note today of where I am and I am toward the end of the poem. Years ago, I found this in some 12 step literature and I loved it, even though when I read the poem for the first time it made me very sad.

The Mask

I have this little mask

I wear it every day

It's not my favorite thing to do

But it keeps the pain at bay

I've had this mask forever

It's such a part of me

I can run and hide from you

And the mask is all you'll see

I really do not like it

This mask I wear so much

But it really helps me hide my fears

The tears, the pain and such

The mask I've learned to live with

The pain, I just have not

But I hurt so much inside of me

The mask is all I've got

I'm screaming on the inside

I'm hurt and filled with pain

But when my mask is in its place

You cannot tell that I'm insane

It's been the very best of friends

And my greatest enemy, too

When things get tough and I cannot cope

The mask I'll show to you

But along into my life

Comes this support group YEY!

It tries to strip away my mask

and make me live today

I struggle every day

To keep my mask in place

But because of our support group

It no longer fits my face

I want to hold it near to me

This mask I hate so much

But my program just won't let me

Because it makes me stay in touch

My mask has started slipping

It came off just today

It really truly had to

So I could wipe my tears away

My God in Heaven does for me

What I could never do

He strips away my mask for me

And He'll do it for you, too

So here it is, my question

I'll ask of you my friend

Can you let God take your mask

And allow your pain to end?

I know that we can do it

Together we are strong

And with our Father’s help

There is nothing we'll do wrong

I give my mask up to God

The strength He gives to me

Take my hand and walk the path

To the road which sets us free

I know that we can do it

He loves us very much

He's always there to help us

We just have to keep it up

I am so very thankful

for all the gifts and giving

My mask is totally stripped from me

And I am thrilled to be living!

— Reprinted from Lifeline, June 1999 Author Unknown

Small revisions were thoughtfully and respectfully made by Jacquelyn Bolton

Dogs

Today I took my Dad's dog, Charlie, to the vet to get checked out about some itching and to get some flea meds. Charlie had a doggie ultrasound. It was so neat. He was such a good dog too. They had to flip him upside down and he layed flat out on his back for several minutes without hardly moving. I was checking out and a gentleman came in and bent down to pet Charlie. He started talking to me and I could not hear him very well because of my hearing loss.  I noticed him tearing up and I knelt down to talk to him. I heard that his dog had a slip disc and he might have to make the decision to put him down. I have been through that with my dog Billy. I know what pain he was in, and to see a grown man with tears coming down his cheeks was so touching. I asked him if I could give him so loving advice and he said yes. I told him that if he had to make the decision to be there with him. Based on his reaction it seemed he was already planning it that way. I told him that it was such a difficult and painful decision to make, but that my vet and her staff made it such a comforting experience. They gave me and my sister time with Billy before and after he died. We all 3 sat on the floor and Julie and I pet Billy and spent time with him. Dr McGhee gave him the shot and Billy looked up and then closed his eyes. He went peacefully. I told the gentleman today that I had such peace that I was there with him that I did not have any doubts or concerns or wondering what happened to him. Knowing how peacefully Billy went and that I was there until the end was the best thing I could have done for him.  I prayed for this man today. I pray Dear in Father to please comfort this man during a difficult time. Please give him peace and strength that if he has to make the decision to put his dog down today or in the future that he will know that he is doing the right thing. I pray that you give him the confidence through the vet's advice. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to maybe bring a little comfort to this man. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Walking Walking Walking

I have been walking just about everyday since Oct 13th. Seriously walking. I am walking a 5K this Saturday Oct 29th! I never would have thought to sign up for one had it not been for my new friend Stephanie. She walked her first 5K in Aug and her 2nd in Sept! She told me, "If I can do it you can do it too!" That has been her motto. Love it.
I have been resisting exercise for many years, and quite honestly got so heavy and out of shape that I really could not get around very easily. I tried walking early Oct and all I could do was one small lap. So once I really committee and started walking with a few walking buddies, in 12 days I went from 1 lap to now walking up to 11 laps which is 3.3 miles! And some weekend days, I will walk twice.  Some days I walk by myself and use the time to talk to God, pray for people, meditate and think.
I can't keep up with my laps, and I really don't like those little pedometer thingies, so I am trying to come up with a creative way to keep track of my laps. I have some ideas.
I am very grateful to my walking buddies and so proud of each of them.
My staycation started today and I walked this morning. I have my Dad's dog and he gets so tired plus his smooshed in nose (he's a pug) makes it hard for him to breath. So I did not get in much walking this morning but tonight I am going walk some more and try to do maybe 5 of the bigger laps and 5 of the smaller ones.

FREE SECRET to Losing Weight

I have unearthed the secret that many many people including myself have paid mega bucks for! The secret to losing weight is... WAIT   WAIT   WAIT... now I am not going to write a book (right now) and charge you all $24.95 and make millions. I will give it away for free tonight! Do you since the sarcasm? The secret to losing weight is duhn duhn duhn.... Healthy Eating and Exercise!
Disappointed? Angry at me? There is no magic pill and I am truly sorry. Yep, I mean you will lose some weight with a healthy diet, or cutting calories but when you add in exercise!!!! Man oh Man, that is the key the kicker. I really changed my eating habits dramatically cutting out fast food, sugar, meats, bad carbs but I was not getting the results I thought I should. I was obsessing about the scales and weighing more than once a day! I was resentful and resisted exercise. But I have been doing some serious walking now and getting the results that I am finally excited about. Did I mention I gave my scales to someone who only lets me weigh in once a week. I feel so much better now that I don't have to see the scales in the bathroom and obsessively get on them multiple (gonna go ahead and admit it) times a day.
The secret to sticking with a healthy eating plan and exercise is the supernatural strength and love from God. 
After church on Sunday, I walked and prayed. During Darren's sermon, God thumped me on the heart and I realized that I am passive aggressive and that is damaging to my relationships. So I prayed and listed the ways I think I exhibit passive aggression which by the way comes from anger which by the way comes from pride. We can trace our sins back to pride every time. Anyway I show passive aggression by judging others, talking behind someone's back, controlling the argument, manipulation, withholding love, not confronting people, complaining, tone of voice, shutting down communication, leaving, giving up on relationships, being cold towards someone, creatively (not in a good way) insulting someone, the list goes on and on. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see these things in myself, and help me to change so I can improve my relationships. Praying is FREE TOO.
Not to be flippant, but speaking of FREE!! God gave His only Son so we can FREELY accept his gift of eternal life. This is real people. It is not a theory. It is the truth. We are not going to be floating around the heavens in a bubble. It is not a dream. We are going to live real lives at the right hand of the Father. This is concrete and tangible. I know it is hard to fathom, but it's going to happen. God loves us so much that he made a way for our sins to be forgiven, so we can live eternally with him. You do not need another person to confess to. You can pray right now. As the Bible tells us, “For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved” (Romans 10:9-11).
 You will be saved, your sins forgiven, and live eternally with God by accepting the offer. By believing that Jesus is your Lord and Savior who died on the cross and was raised from the dead by God the Father 3 days later, and by confessing your sins and repenting of them - turning away from your sins and towards God, you will be saved.
In Acts 16:30-31, the Philippian jailer asked Paul and Silas: “ . . . ‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’ And they said, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved . . . .’ ”

“But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name” (John 1:12).

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13
This is a really good website on how to be saved... www.allaboutgod.com/how-to-be-saved.htm

Walking and Support and Love from Friends and Church and Family and Work

Talk about a mini miracle well not really small to me. I walked several miles over the weekend! That is a miracle only God could have performed. I am being obedient by getting healthy and He is right by my side. I can't believe that Sunday after church, I walked 3 miles! My heavenly Father has also taken away some food cravings for now. I have been eating good food in normal proportions. I shared in Sunday school that food may always be a problem for me, but the way I feel right now, the Lord may heal me totally from my food issues. Over eating is a sin that keeps me separated from God, so my prayer is that I continue to eat healthy and keep moving. I am so blessed to have the support of so many people. I have the most support that I have ever had in my life. God's word, and praying and studying is a huge source of strength. My friend Kim told me about Emerging Healthcare, and I went to a healthy eating class. There at the class I met Janis, and Stephanie. They encouraged me to walk. Stephanie has been so supportive and such an inspiration. I would have never thought I could do a 5K until I met her, but with her support I have signed up for one! Also, I am back in church and my wonderful church family at Cool Springs Baptist are so encouraging and loving and caring. I also have my family who are cheering me on. My sister Julie and I are doing a Bible study together, Made to Crave, Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst. I do not know what I would do without my sister Julie. She is constantly building me up, encouraging, listening, talking, loving me. She makes me sound like the best thing. If I ever needed a publicist, she would be hired! I have a therapist and a wonderful support group who share and are open and have helped me in ways that I could never have imagined. I work with the best group of people anyone could ask for. My job is a positive, creative, uplifting, caring place to work. My boss is a wonderful Christian woman and the owners of the company I work for are the most awesome Godly people with a heart for others and generous spirits. There is nothing better than the job I have right now, the company that I work for. I have been blessed and blessed and blessed. God uses challenges, trauma, problems, health issues, and addictions for future good. I hope and pray that my story can help at least one person. Dear Lord, Don't let me get the big head, but let me glorify you in this journey and in all things. Keep me humble.
Love Jacque

Determination not desperation

We had our 2nd week of bible study, Made to Crave Satisfying your deepest desire with God not food, by Lysa TerKeurst. The word for the week is determination. Merriam-Webster defines it as a "firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end."  It has always struck me as odd that I can be so determined at work but when it comes to getting healthy, I let myself become desperate and quickly lose my determination. This week as I was studying God's word confirmed for me that he does care about what and how much I eat, because being unhealthy and caring more about food is against God. It separates me from him, and whatever separates me is sin.  Food is not illegal, so it can easily be that indulgence that we do not think a thing about. But I have learned that anything can be our obsession, compulsion or addiction. We can use anything to numb our feelings, keep us going down the wrong path and hurt our bodies, purpose, spirits, and souls. For me it is food. But for you it could be cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sports, TV, gaming, love of money, sex, pets, internet, pornography, stuff, shopping, crafting, collecting.  The point is there are some in my list that one might say well that is not so bad, but the danger in that thinking is that anything in excess can cause your life to become unmanageable, cause your relationships to suffer, cause you to be separated from God. For instance read the story about the rich man in Matthew 19:16-26. He was unwilling to give up what he valued most to follow God. Money was his addiction. It was more important to him than God. He walked away from Jesus sad. I understand that sadness. When I choose food over God, I am sad. Satan is oh so happy because he knows that my weight keeps me from doing what God wants me to do. It kept me away from church for years. This eating healthy and exercising is a long and difficult road. I have slipped but unlike the past, I move on. I do not throw my hands up anymore and say I give up. I praise the Lord and say I will do better next time. 
Blessings, Jacque

Empowered

My sis and I started the Bible Study, Made to Crave. It was awesome. I kind of felt a little weird at first, even though we talk about just about everything, I don't know why I felt weird. Anyway, we got into the study questions and it was really great. The word for the week is Empowered. So instead of feeling deprived because I choose to make healthy food choices I will be empowered and think of all the great stuff I can eat. The author, Lysa TerKuerst, is confident that this will work. I love the word of the week. If I am empowered there is no way I can start feeling sorry for myself, and complaining that I have to eat differently.
This is going to be great. If it is God's will, I want to open the study to others, and I know there are a lot of people dealing with the same issues about food that I am. My prayer is that I will be willing. I really want to help others through my journey and give God all the glory!

This weekend

I have not been doing very well the last 3 days walking. I will do better this week. I like what our pastor said about ministry being messy. Life is messy too. My trouble has been that I wait until things are perfect or near perfect to act. I am learning that is not the way to do it. I think you have to plunge right in and do what you can and so what if it's not perfect or pretty. I have wasted a lot of time waiting on perfect situations and perfect timing. Next year I will be 50. There is no more time to waste. So I am diving in getting wet, getting dirty, messy maybe with no make-up, messed up hair, so far from perfect body and living life and loving God. I am working on tearing down the walls so I can love others, love myself - warts and all. God loves me the way I am so why can't I?